get ready for mediation.

7 Tips for preparing for your mediation

TIP #1: What's it worth?

If you have a home or other real estate, personal property, or other physical assets to deal with in your case, it’s important to have a sense of what your property is worth before you come to mediation. What something is “worth” is called “fair market value.” In its simplest sense, fair market value (FMV) is the price an asset would sell for on the open market.

Getting a real estate appraisal or neutral market analysis from a realtor who works in your neighborhood is cheaper than time spent in mediation trying to negotiate back and forth about the FMV of your assets. The practical tip: get your house (or other disputed value assets) appraised BEFORE mediation! If you have other assets like cars, RV’s, expensive jewelry, consider getting a written estimate of FMV from someone who is an expert in the type of property involved (e.g., a jeweler). Consider looking up the FMV for the asset online on Kelly Bluebook or get an Edmonds report. There are a number of excellent personal property appraisers who can give you an on-site estimate of FMV for your furniture, tools, electronics, etc. The cost of this service pales in comparison to the combination of attorney fees and mediator fees you’ll rack up in mediation haggling over these values.

TIP #2:  know what you owe

In many cases just because you don’t know about a credit card that your ex might be using doesn’t exclude the debt from being treated as a marital obligation. Plan ahead by knowing what debts you have and just as important, knowing whether your name is on any debts or obligations you might not know about. Review in advance your credit report to identify joint and individual debts and current balances. There are many ways to do this. My favorite is myFico or Credit Karma. Call your bank and get the payoffs for your home, vehicles, or other installment loans. Download credit card statements from as far back as possible in case your ex has questions about these things. Summarize the debts into a simple spreadsheet or list.

TIP #3:  make your financial declaration a useful tool

Your attorney may have asked you to fill out a court-mandated Financial Declaration. Missing information, inflating your monthly expenses, or providing inaccurate property values wastes time and costs you more money in the long run. For example, using a low-ball or unrealistic value for an asset if you want it, or over-valuing an asset you don’t want, might seem like an effective negotiation strategy, but it’s just a time-waster. Be prepared by backing up your proposed values with credible sources.

TIP #4:  Know your  bank and retirement account balances

Give yourself a head start in mediation by getting your account balances from savings, checking, retirement, or other financial accounts. If you want to hit a home run here, research all your account balances as of your separation date and download the statements!  Most financial institutions allow you to download a . PDF of the monthly or quarterly reports showing your account balance. If you have an account that is a bit more complicated, such as a pension, profit-sharing, or another defined benefit plan, get something in writing from the Plan Administrator outlining or explaining what you have. If you want to hit another home run, find out the balances of any retirement accounts that you might have started before you got married. This is called a “pre-marital interest,” and the funds you have in your retirement before you got married are often not included or divided in a divorce.

TIP #5:  get help with setting reasonable expectations

Do you have reasonable expectations about what you want in your divorce case?  Very few mediation settlements come close to the best outcome you might get in court on any given issue. Before mediation, discuss possible settlement scenarios with your attorney.  Ask your attorney if your expectations are reasonable or your goals even possible.  You pay your attorney for honest and reasonably accurate advice. While attorneys won’t promise any particular outcome, an experienced family law attorney will explain the ranges of a good enough outcome.  Therefore, discuss/clarify (in advance) ranges of satisfactory mediation outcomes (i.e., compromise). Insist on knowing all the possible compromise options and potential arguments or issues the other side will raise ahead of time.

TIP #6:  Do both sides have what they need?

The important documents must be at your fingertips. Sometimes people waste a lot of time (translation = greater expense) in mediation because there are. missing documents or one or both parties haven't had enough time to review the documents. Find out if your attorney has everything necessary to have a meaningful discussion about the issues. Ask your attorney if the other party has provided everything necessary on his/her end too. If there are financial issues in your case, make sure both parties have all the financial documents that provide the details about account balances and transaction histories that might be relevant to a meaningful and productive discussion.

TIP #7:  take care of yourself.

Mediation can be a grueling and energy-sucking experience. Think of your mediation like any other important event or occasion where you want to be on your A-Game, like a job interview, performance review, or running a half-marathon. Get plenty of sleep the one or two nights leading up to your mediation. On the day of your mediation, eat a nutritious breakfast, stay hydrated throughout the day, bring lunch or a couple of power bars or trail mix to fuel your mind and keep you energized.  During the mediation, ask for breaks if you need time to breathe or think about things.  One of the complaints about mediation I hear most often is that a person felt pressured to settle, only later feeling regret that they did so.  Reaching a settlement and agreeing is 100% your choice.  Reject the idea that you have to settle if you feel pressure or if something doesn't feel right.